This is what my family doesn't know. There are days that I suddenly cry, feeling down. Before, it was difficult for me to figure out where it is coming from. Now, little by little I could figure out what it is, but not sure if it is. I want to show to myself that I love myself. Today, I'm having regrets about my choices in life. But God continuously assures me that He will redeem me. I want to get out of this comfort zone, but it seems that I'm trapped.
It pains me when I can't share to my family. Whenever they talk about finances, I don't know if they are really letting me hear it, they might think that I dont care. But it really pains me. I want to give good life to my parents just like what they did to me. That's my heart, not an obligation.
At my age, I haven't achieved anything yet. That's why I'm having regrets, maybe if I continued working as a graphic artist, I have good position and high salary. Maybe if I accepted the job offer of Manila Bulletin, I have good benefits and compensation. Maybe if I grabbed the opportunity to work in Singapore Publishing, I might be one of their employees working now in SG. Maybe if I accepted the offer of being a graphic artist in an US Based company, I'm having a better life. Or maybe, if I continued working as online English teaching in a corporate setting, I'm already having a good position or maybe I already have certification and could work abroad.
I gave up all of these because I want to work in my own time, comforts of my home. It's been 5 years, but there's no growth. There's something wrong. There is. Especially nowadays that my family is in need...
All of these makes me sad.
It pains me when I can't share to my family. Whenever they talk about finances, I don't know if they are really letting me hear it, they might think that I dont care. But it really pains me. I want to give good life to my parents just like what they did to me. That's my heart, not an obligation.
At my age, I haven't achieved anything yet. That's why I'm having regrets, maybe if I continued working as a graphic artist, I have good position and high salary. Maybe if I accepted the job offer of Manila Bulletin, I have good benefits and compensation. Maybe if I grabbed the opportunity to work in Singapore Publishing, I might be one of their employees working now in SG. Maybe if I accepted the offer of being a graphic artist in an US Based company, I'm having a better life. Or maybe, if I continued working as online English teaching in a corporate setting, I'm already having a good position or maybe I already have certification and could work abroad.
I gave up all of these because I want to work in my own time, comforts of my home. It's been 5 years, but there's no growth. There's something wrong. There is. Especially nowadays that my family is in need...
All of these makes me sad.
Hi! I just stumbled upon your blog randomly as I was searching for Filipino Monologue Samples. It's completely normal to have those kinds of moments in our lives but don't ever forget that everything happens for a reason. Maybe God is preparing something bigger for you in the future, His plans are perfect, I tell you. Just wait for His perfect timing. As written in Ecclesiastes 3:1, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."
ReplyDeleteYou can do that! (Philippians 4:13) Don't worry, I will include you in my prayers. May God bless you! :)
Hi! Thank you for your encouragement and prayers :)
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