This week, 2 people confidently expressed their emotions. They have the same situation, broken hearted. They are two different people who are both close to me. I could see myself in them 2-3 months ago. I talk to them with this thinking “It’s easy for you to say, but hard for me to do”. It’s true, when I was in their situation, it was so difficult for me to face it. People around me keep on saying “FORGIVE, ACCEPT and LET GO!”, but in the back of my mind, “PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES”. I understand how they feel because in my case, two months isn’t long enough to get over on things that happened in the past. But I’m in the stage of moving on. Getting over the pain and the person who caused you a lot of tears and heartaches isn’t easy. They may caused you pain but still you love them. It’s just that they did not love you back just like what you expected. In this kind of situation, taking a step on choices is difficult. You have the choice to move on you way alone, have a better life and walk closer to God. The other choice is to live on blaming at that person and be miserable. Where should you step on?
In my case, for 2 months, people see me ok and strong. It seems that everything happened had just faded away. But its not. For two months, I’ve been miserable. I had issues in my work, issues in my lifestyle in my inner personality. I’m crashed down. My heart was still damaged. Whenever I tell to someone my current situation, they could not understand. I lost my direction, but not obvious to people. I could see it in myself.
God found me again. I don’t know how, but He did. I just found myself praying and crying in my room. I suddenly missed God a lot. Realizing that I disregarded Him while I was on a relationship. I could imagine that He was hugging me with His wonderful arms while I was deeply crying with pain and agony in my heart. I was too dependent on a person whom I thought to be my bestfriend. It seems that my whole life was on his. I learned to love this person. But God showed me that He is a jealous God. And I lost my integrity, I failed infront of Him. I know I am accountable. And here it is, “PAIN”. He shows me His move in everything that I do and in every decision that I make. Still, there are times that I am not at peace because there is anger in my heart and pain. I’m praying for more grace from Him.
Healing may take long. I pray that I could endure the waiting.
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