On the day we broke up, I did not feel the pain, it seems that everything will just pass by and I'll be ok. But I was wrong. As the days passes by, even I chose to be happy, still a lot of times, I feel the pain and the grudge in my heart. Whenever I remember how much I loved that person, I could feel the most painful moments that I've experienced in my life. I even thought of taking the revenge.
There are times that I feel I'm ok, there are times that I could remember how much he hurt me. Everyday, I ask God "WHY". Lots of questions unanswered and I think it will just remain that way. I say, NO Restoration now, if there is, it's not yet time. Restoration of friendship that is. I dont even know if we could be bestfriends again. I know everything will be answered in God's perfect time. I've realized that I haven't forgiven him yet. There is still a huge grudge in my heart. Sometimes I think everything happening is so unfair. But one thing reminds me that God is fair, it is when Jesus died on the cross.
My emotions are not visible when people see me. They could not see the weight that I carry. God carries them for me. Choosing God is the right one and moving on is difficult. It is difficult because there are things that pulls you back. Everyone were affected and could still feel the pain even though 2 months had already passed. Still God sustains me. I'm praying for my heavy heart to forgive. I'm praying that there could be healing in my heart, in my family, his family and people around us.
There is one thing that God made clear to me, He took away that person because He is protecting me from harm.
I hope I could remember to post again if the day of forgiveness, restoration and peace happened.
There are times that I feel I'm ok, there are times that I could remember how much he hurt me. Everyday, I ask God "WHY". Lots of questions unanswered and I think it will just remain that way. I say, NO Restoration now, if there is, it's not yet time. Restoration of friendship that is. I dont even know if we could be bestfriends again. I know everything will be answered in God's perfect time. I've realized that I haven't forgiven him yet. There is still a huge grudge in my heart. Sometimes I think everything happening is so unfair. But one thing reminds me that God is fair, it is when Jesus died on the cross.
My emotions are not visible when people see me. They could not see the weight that I carry. God carries them for me. Choosing God is the right one and moving on is difficult. It is difficult because there are things that pulls you back. Everyone were affected and could still feel the pain even though 2 months had already passed. Still God sustains me. I'm praying for my heavy heart to forgive. I'm praying that there could be healing in my heart, in my family, his family and people around us.
There is one thing that God made clear to me, He took away that person because He is protecting me from harm.
I hope I could remember to post again if the day of forgiveness, restoration and peace happened.
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